The Young Witch Doesn't Understand How to Grow Up

So here's the thing. I'm 23-years-old, I have been graduated from college for a year now, I have lived almost 2000 miles away from my entire family for almost a year now, I've almost completed my year of service and I still don't feel like I'm actually a grown-up.

Ah. The glorious diploma.

I mean, sometimes I do. I have to apply for things on my own, I've been in the process of trying to get a job since the end February (a search the currently feels fruitless), I set up all my own appointments, pay off my credit card bill, in full, every month, by myself, have been researching the process of how to move out of an apartment for about almost a month now, and I even wake up at 7 a.m. No matter what day it is!

If that doesn't sound grown-up-y enough, I don't know what does. But I still feel like a kid. I'm about to move back to my house with my parents and my sister, I don't have a job for after City Year (this hiring thing is getting frustrating and I just want a job), I know my room back home is a total mess and we've been in the process of trying to transport me to the attic (so I know what plan when I get back home for at least the first few weeks is), and I feel that no one actually knows that I know what I'm doing, and when I do need help, they think I should know.

It's exhausting. I'm 23. I've talked about this before. All of my friends post-grad seem to be official big-time grownups. They are moving into their own houses, renting their own apartments, getting married, having kids. But, like, HOW?

I'm in this weird point. I can do grown-up things. I've had jobs. I ran a TV station, essentially by myself for the better part of two and a half years, keeping it functioning and alive when everyone else seemed to just want it to die (I know not everyone did, but it's always fun to hear the things people say when they think you're not listening). I kept classrooms of students alive and somewhat working when we had subs during the school year. I can edit 15 pages of papers in less than 15 minutes. I can write stories out the whazoo! I can research

and put that research into practice until I have my own solutions.

My loving staff who throw keys and are still the greatest people I know

And yet, I'm still feel like a kid. I still beg my parents to buy me books and craft supplies. I look to them for complete and utter approval in my life (I have two tattoos that I waited until the last possible moment to tell my mom about because I didn't want her to say no and stop me from going to the appointments. I go to them for advice, when the car breaks on me,

pretty much everything. And then, of course there is the unsolicited advice, which I do appreciate, but I don't always need.

My beloved Enterprise who needs a Scotty

I love my parents. I do. And this is not to say I don't enjoy that treatment sometimes. They are wonderful people who want the best for me and I know that. And yes, I still want to move in with them back home. But I feel like I'm living this double life sometimes.

The thing is, everyone I talk to who is my age, seems to feel this way. Even the ones that seem to be the most grown-up feel the same way as me, a walking 249 pound body of anxiety and depression. I'm not kidding!

I have four best friends from high school who I love and adore. They know who they are. Out of the five of us, only two of us no longer live with our parents (I don't include myself, because I'm about to move back in). Only one is engaged (unless you count me and De'Andre's fake marriage). And I'm pretty sure all of question if we are truly adults (ya'll can tell me if I'm wrong).

I think that's okay though. I think it's okay that I feel like this. Yes, it's annoying when my parents remind for the millionth time to wash my sheets, not to buy the ouija board I keep trying to convince them to let me buy and bring home, and how to do whatever random thing I actually already know how to do. But it's nice of them to let me still be a kid sometimes and isn't that something we all need sometimes?