The Young Witch Accidentally, Kind of, Sort of, Took a Hiatus for Self Care

Okay. So my New Years Resolution has not been kept for about the past month. Reason: I lost a lot of energy and motivation to do things. This is the short version.

The long version involves giving out multiple tarot readings a day for people who didn't give back any of the energy they were taking from me, never taking a break during the work day except lunch and brunch in the school schedule, a panic attack during one of my classes, some mental health training that was particularly triggering, the shelf in my closet breaking and much, much more.

There's a longer version, yes, but that would take a novella to write and we don't have that kind of time.

But I'm doing so much better time. These past few weeks, I've been trying to take time for me, to love me, to appreciate me and that's a really good thing. It's taken my TL and my best friend Sarah yelling at me and my parents sending me cards and chocolate as reminders that everything is okay (please keep doing that! I love you!), but I'm doing it.

Self care is something is something that I massively struggle with though and always have. This week, in the lovely City Year calendar was Mid-Year Summit, and honestly, it was fun, but Thursday, Thursday was my favorite, because it was Career Day.

Normal people might not get excited over Career Day, but I do. I love the opportunity to get dressed up in professional best and learn real life applicable things that have the possibility to get creative and communicate with people about the things they love. Things I don't love though: Mock Interviews.

You see, I know how I get in interviews. I get nervous and either talk to much or talk to little. I try to make everyone laugh, or I get too introspective and serious and depressing. The night before my first interview to be Executive Producer, I had a massive anxiety/panic attack crying on the sink in my bathroom thinking that I was going to massively fail, all the advisors were going to hate me, and I was going to lose my TV station (You see, I really should have realized I had anxiety and started medication and therapy earlier, but I didn't).

So, the thoughts that go into interviews with people I don't know on a personal level freak me out. I'll be the first to admit though, I'm not as bad as I once was though. I did get be Executive Producer from that interview, and did amazingly when I interviewed the next year for the position again, but I was also way more comfortable with the people I was talking to.

When I don't know the people, that's when it gets a lot harder. Self depreciating humor doesn't work so well in the Interview space when you want people to hire you and typically they want people to talk themselves up. That humor really only works in blog space and my dad says I do it fairly well (Thanks, Dad!).

So, back to the point, City Year decided I had to do Mock Interviews. I really just wanted to work on my resume and do stuff on LinkedIn, but ya know, you do what ya gotta do. So, I went to Mock Interviews. My interviewers were actually really nice people to talk to and that helped lower my anxiety a lot, but then questions started. The first were easy. Who are you (Ariel Johnson, blah blah blah, Missouri, blah blah blah, journalism, blah blah blah), what do you want to do (I want to become a content producer for Buzzfeed), wow, that's specific (I know), so on, so forth.

Then came what I was knew was coming. "What is your weakness as an employee?"

Welp. The biggest thing that comes to mind? My difficulty with delegating is the first thing that comes to mind (Yes, Dr. Price. I remember) stemming from the fear that people will quit and leave me to pick up the pieces, which makes me take on way more than I should, and ignore my own welling being. I said this, in a much more positive manner (yes, Dad, I do listen to your career advice), not including the mental health bit, but it makes me think. I'm doing it again, aren't I.

I keep ignoring my health for the sake of taking on other's issues, from the professional to the academic to the personal, and that not my job, really is it? My main job should be to take care of my well being, right? I should love myself first, right?

So, this weekend, instead of overdoing it (like usual), I just had a lazy weekend. I did some chores, I did a purification and relaxation bath, I light a candle and some incense, and had lunch with the lovely Sarah. I focused on me and finding my balance and working on taking my next steps forward to taking care of me.

Also, I looked amazing on Thursday. Shout out to my beautiful roommate Yoletci for taking my photo.